Kanggg!! ‘Damn it.’
Kunngg!! ‘Come on…’
Kanggg!! ‘Damn it, shoot straight!’
And the rain won’t stop.
Swish! ‘Finally. Okay eight more…’
Mother Nature is relentless today.
I know it seems a little overboard to keep playing through the rain, but I’m not leaving until I’ve made ten.
It’s been a while since my last post. Guess I’m not too good at the whole ‘keep-you-updated’ thing.
A lot has changed since last time. No, I haven’t added 20kg’s of muscle and I’m still at my usual miles away from “joining the NBA“, but at least I’m not the wheezing wannabe athlete you first met in my last post. Well… maybe I don’t wheeze any more. Not so sure about the wannabe part.
I have to be honest, looking back on my last post, I was pretty naïve about what it took to get back in the game. For starters, some workout plan I drew up in a day obviously wasn’t going get me where I wanted to go. So, now that I’ve figured that out, I started doing a lot to try and figure out the perfect workout plan. That took a while.
Trust me when I say, I hit ALL the corners of the internet when it comes to workout plans. Apart from the stuff that actually works, I think the most important thing I learnt is that with the power of the internet, there are basically no limits to how dumb and annoying human beings can be.
Corner 1: America’s Skinny White Kids and Middle Aged Men.
Here you can find various YouTube videos with titles like: “AMAZING WORKOUT PROGRAM!!! INCREASE YOUR VERTICAL AND TOTALLY BULK YOU UP!!!!!!”
Woah, after just one Google search! Awesome right? Wrong. First off, the videos don’t even show you how to do one of those things. And, they’re a lot further form “AMAZING” than the makers think. Welcome to the land of white kids and inexperienced (more than me, surprisingly) adults showing you videos of that one workout they did that year. I guess once I saw the number of exclamation marks on the names of the videos, I should have figured they were useless. But hey, can’t blame a guy for being curious right? Especially a guy who’s been dreaming about bulking up for, wait let me check my calendar… MY ENTIRE LIFE.
Corner 2: Annoying-Ass Promotional teasers. This, is my hell.
Some genius out there came up with the idea that when selling some training product online, they should come with a teaser audio or video clip. They draw you in by making you think you can get something from the clip and not need to buy the product, until you realize all you’ve managed to do was drool over your keyboard waiting for some non-existent revelation. They go a little something like this:
[0:00-2:00 Min] Welcome to the “SOMETHING-SOMETHING” strength training program! This program incorporates three simple but key components of strength training that all other training programs have overlooked. In the next 8 minutes, I will take you through these three simple but key steps that almost no one else is aware of! The first of these three steps is crucial as it forms the foundation for the next two. If completed correctly, you will experience amazing results almost instantly! You can be well assured that even greater results will follow from the next two steps…
[2:30-4:00 Min] All of these steps are fully explained in our book that is available for a limited period discount of only ‘$X.99’, shipping charges included. Just send you postal code and payment plan to…
[5:00-6:00 Min] Back to the main topic of this video, the secret to the three unique and crucial steps to strength training. But first let us look at the structure of the book, we first have a short introduction by…
[7:00-8:00 Min] Blah, blah, blah…
Let’s just say that by the end of the clip, you’ll want your 8 minutes back.
Corner 3: The Scrap Yard.
This was kind of a weird place to navigate. After the previous struggle of trying to find just one legit workout program, you suddenly find whole programs being thrown at you from all directions! But it all seemed easy… Way too easy…
For example, I found this vertical jump program called Air Alert. Pages and pages of what seemed like a pretty legit workout plan. Too easy. So I did a little digging… Turns out the program has about a thousand+ critics from almost everywhere, most of them saying that all you get after weeks of training is sore joints and no results. Not that I’m an expert, but I wasn’t desperate enough to ignore the comments and to test it out for myself. There are a ton of other programs like Air Alert rejected by the internet gym community. That only made the research a lot harder.
Corner 4: The Land of Milk and Protein.
Finally we get to the part of the internet that actually works. Despite all the crazies I met along the way, it turns out that there does exist an enchanted place with some pretty damn useful stuff. The only flaw is that everyone on every website has an opinion on the best way to work out. But like everything else in life, you just have to pick what works for you. Some websites offer entire workout programs you can follow based on whatever goal you’re trying to get to. My favorite though, is the sites that give you tips on how to build your own. Totally, worth, the wait.
If you’re out there still rummaging through the insanity that is the internet, here’s a couple of sites that I think have exactly what any amateur or pro might be looking for:
So, I’ve got the sneakers, shorts, jersey, sweatbands, and of course, the LeBron James headband. And now, I’ve got a crazy workout plan. There was really only one thing left to do.
Something I’m starting to figure out is that having the plan, and sticking to it are totally different ball games (sorry, no pun intended). Hours of research and trying to throw in different ideas into the perfect workout mix, and I’m really only just starting. But I guess that’s the next stop on this trip, trying to figure it all out.
So it’s back to Jordan’s words of wisdom. I’ve got the game plan, it’s time to make it happen.